What is this handbasket we’re in, and where is it going?

Sharks like it hot

Global warming, the scourge that melts our ice caps, causes our oceans to threaten our coastal cities, causes our infrastructure to require more regular maintenance, and is singlehandedly responsible for the wars and famine in the world, has revealed another cog in its insidious plan to ravage the planet and make Al Gore say “I told you so.” This cog is, believe it or not, shark attacks. No joke.

In the first four months of this year, there were four fatal shark attacks worldwide, compared with one in the whole of 2007, according to the International Shark Attack File at the Florida Museum of Natural History in Gainesville.

‘The one thing that’s affecting shark attacks more than anything else is human activity,’ said Dr George Burgess of Florida University, a shark expert who maintains the database. ‘As the population continues to rise, so does the number of people in the water for recreation. And as long as we have an increase in human hours in the water, we will have an increase in shark bites.’

Some experts suggest that an abundance of seals has attracted high numbers of sharks, while others believe that overfishing has hit their food chain. ‘I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s a convenient excuse,’ Burgess said. Another contributory factor to the location of shark attacks could be global warming and rising sea temperatures. ‘You’ll find that some species will begin to appear in places they didn’t in the past with some regularity,’ he said. – The Observer, May 4, 2008

Yeah, and global warming is responsible for my shoddy right ankle and current joblessness. I swear.

Now, I’m no scientist, but the way global warming is beginning to get more and more credit for the disturbing trends in our world today is getting to be perturbing in and of itself. Global warming is a lot like cranberries. Cranberries are beginning to show up in more and more juices on store shelves, like global warming is the cause of more and more problems on Earth. It’s too late for juice, the cranberries are there to stay, but what about global issues? Are there any socio-economic-ecological problems anymore that aren’t caused by global warming?

Put yourself in the sharks…erm, fins. Fat, slow, lazy people or lithe, quick, athletic seals/fish/non-humans. I’m going for the easy meal – human is on the menu. When you set foot in the ocean, you enter a dangerous wilderness and you face the very real possibility of being eaten by sharks trying to escape the sweltering heat of their native cruising grounds. Or they’re just hungry. I mean, it’s not like animals have expanded their environmental niches in the past in response to new feeding trends, right?

Of course, the real answer to this mystery is summed up in one word – Cthulhu. The Sleeping God has raised R’lyeh from the depths, displacing sharks from their natural habitat. The world is next.


May 12, 2008 - Posted by | All the news that's fit to hear, Diatribe

1 Comment »

  1. […] blaming the new-found aggressiveness of the Komodo Dragon on global warming.  If it works for sharks, why not? Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)When good Komodo dragons go […]

    Pingback by What can’t we screw up? « Blatherskite | August 27, 2008 | Reply

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