Blatherskite

What is this handbasket we’re in, and where is it going?

This is heavy, Doc

Fans of Back to the Future and goofy footwear will be pleased to learn that McFly’s fly future shoes from the second installment in the series have finally been released to the public. Unfortunately for people, such as myself, who wanted these shoes for the self-lacing action they sported in the flick, the McFly Hyperdunk still requires manual lace manipulation. What a crappy future it is indeed.

Nike Hyperdunks, the shoe of the future from 1989

Nike Hyperdunks, the shoe of the future from 1989

Back to the Future II, in case you weren’t alive (you whippersnapper) or simply missed it (you uninformed idiot), featured a lot of top-notch futuristic gizmos – these shoes, instant “just-add-water” pizza, hovering skateboards, flying Deloreans, crappy 3-D sharks and a preponderance of “buttheads.” Personally, I’d have preferred it if Nike had designed a hoverboard, but children in third world countries probably aren’t qualified to be working with those kinds of electronics.

The sad thing is, these shoes use to be pretty slick. I used to think that they were some pretty rad kicks, and how I’d love to sport ’em around the playground, impressing people with my self-lacing, powder blue chick magnets. Sadly, like most of the stuff from the 80s, this isn’t the case. These are downright hideous, a veritable sneaker abortion.

The kicker, of course, is that these shoes do not sport the oh-so-sweet power laces featured in the movie. I’d link you a clip of the power laces in action, but then I’d probably be assassinated by Viacom. Suffice it to say, that was the feature that instantly put these shoes into the dreams of every child who saw the movie. Why can’t we, with all our wondrous technology, equip our shoes with power laces? It’s high time for scientists to stop all this Alzheimer’s research nonsense and get back to inventing useless crap.

Because the shoe was such a limited release, the Nike Hyperdunk is bound to become a hot item on eBay. Indeed, bids on the shoe, some of which were signed by the official Hyperdunk spokesperson Kobe Bryant (great scott, why not Christopher Lloyd?!?), have already escalated into the $1500 range. A hefty price for what appears to be nothing more than a malformed aqua sock.

What’s next for Nike, you may find yourself asking. I have it on good authority, and many good men lost their lives in acquiring this information, that the next shoe Nike releases will be the Mach Five Hyperdriver!

Speed Racers loafers, the next Hyperdunk?

Speed Racer's loafers, the next Hyperdunk?

Hey, as long as they sell the pants with ’em, I’m down.

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July 10, 2008 - Posted by | All the news that's fit to hear

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